2 Months

2 Months!!!

 Jacob is 2 Months old! At his 2 month appointment he weighed 12 lbs 7 ounces (75th percentile). His height actually went down... to 23 inches (50th percentile). (Last month it was 23 3/4") Ya.... Not the most accurate method used....  2 month appointment meant Jacob's first round of vaccinations. :( It was so sad! I was glad Scott went with me so I wouldn't have to be involved. He was laying there on that table fairly calm then when they poked his little legs his face immediately scrunched up in shock and turned beat red! Then the crying started. Not the, I'm crying so that you'll give me attention, but the real deal. Tears, sobs and all. :( That was the first time he's ever had tears when he cried. The next couple days he was a little more fussy then usual but we tried to keep the infant Tylenol in him.

Jacob has grown and developed a ton this past month! I can't believe how fast he changes. He now is very aware of your presence and looks at you and smiles at you all the time! He has discovered that he has a say in things and he lets you know it! One of those things he has a say in is nursing. Although I don't think he HATES nursing, he has decided that he would rather take a bottle to nursing. I think he likes the consistent flow of the milk. So we have stopped using the bottle. It took him a few days before he'd nurse without throwing a huge fit, but now that he realizes this is how it is he has decided nursing isn't the worst thing. I'll try reintroducing the bottle every month or so to see if he'll be ok with both. But until he is, or if he ever decides to be, we are sticking to exclusive nursing. Jacob also likes being able to see his surroundings. If he is awake he wants to be sitting up so he can see everything! I love that he can express his emotions more. He has discovered his voice and his tongue and it's so fun to just sit and talk to him and have him talk back to me. The best is when he's been entertaining himself for awhile and when you walk into his view and he sees you a huge smile breaks out on his face! I often just like watching him as he entertains himself. He talks to himself and smiles and plays with his tongue and it's just so fun!

Some of Jacobs dislikes this month are:

Tummy Time (still)
Laying down if he is awake

Wet or Poopy diapers

Naps

Some of the things Jacob likes are:

Getting his diaper changed
Bath time (don't know if he really LIKES baths but he doesn't scream at the top of his lungs anymore when we bathe him)
Bottles
His Aunt Clarissa :) (Looks like my blog got hacked :)

 At the beginning of the month Jacob was sleeping around 3-4 hours at night. During the month we discovered that Jacob could put himself to sleep! A very very exciting discovery for me! I now feed him and put him to bed at 9. He falls asleep sometime between 9 and 10. then sleeps for 5 hours then another 3 to 4 after that. Getting up sometime between 7 and 8 am. I think it's a pretty good schedule. Can't complain to much with it. He did have a few nights where he slept between 6-8 hours at a time. But those nights are usually the days that we kept him really busy.

So pretty much we just love that kid a lot and a lot. He's a keeper for sure! :)

Here are some other picture from the past month....

 Jacob's first 5k!

 So precious! :)

 How Jacob and I sometimes spend our days...

Life outside the womb

(So I wrote this post a few weeks after giving birth to Jacob and decided not to post it because it was so personal and kind of negative. After recently re-reading it I have decided I want to post it because it records how I really felt right after giving birth to my precious baby boy and although it's not often talked about, I feel like many new mother's, not all, but many, feel like this and feel like terrible mother's and I want to reassure them that it is ok and it will get better. Also because I can gladly and gratefully say I do not feel this way anymore in the slightest. So read at your own risk :) Some of the information is repeated from other posts I have posted.. But that's ok. I'm also not adding pictures to this one)

What a change these past few weeks have been. It is quite the adjustment to go from having all the time in the world to do whatever you want to having ALL of your time occupied by a little human being. The first few weeks were very hard for me. I suffered a lot from baby blues. I had a hard time enjoying or even liking our new baby boy which of course made me feel like the worst mother in the world and made me even more emotional. Scott was my absolute life saver at this time. He just adjusted to being a Daddy so easily and he loved every moment of it. It was hard not to feel a little bit jealous of him because I wanted to feel like I loved being a mom. But it was his love of doing everything he could with Jacob and being involved in anyway he could that helped me so much. But to tell you a little bit of the going on's of the last few weeks I will start back in the hospital.

It is typical for a c-section to stay in the hospital for 3 days but my Doctor told me if everything was looking good and I was feeling up to it they would let me leave at 2 days. The day of the c-section I felt great! I'm sure the drugs were still in me... But I felt good and was up and walking around by that evening. The following morning is when it all hit and I woke up feeling awful! I was so sore and the emotions had hit. Scott was such a trooper in the hospital and took such good care of me. At times I felt like I was in a nursing home and he was my CNA. Not a pretty picture. But he did everything so willingly and I was so grateful. Both nights we had the nurses take Jacob to the nursery so we could get some sleep. Sara was our night nurse and we both loved her! She was the only nurse that made us feel like she was there for us. We asked her all sorts of questions and she willingly sat and answered all of them. We are both very grateful for her. The little pull out bed that Scott had to sleep on was very uncomfortable so I let Scott sleep in the bed with me. He was worried he would hurt me but I reassured him that I would be fine. Jacob was a great sleeper for the first week. But I guess most newborns are. He would sleep for 4-6 hours at a time. I think Heavenly Father knew I needed that. By the end of the second day Scott was more then ready to leave the hospital. I think I was anxious to go home and have to do everything on my own so I wasn't sure if I wanted to leave. But we ended up leaving. We had wanted to leave around 7 Monday night but we didn't end up leaving till 11pm. We just wanted to make the most of our money that we could. :)

My mom stayed with us for a few days after we got home from the hospital. I was so grateful for this because I didn't know what I was doing and it was nice to have someone there to answer all my questions. It seemed that evenings were the worst. That's when all the emotions would hit and I'd just have to go off on my own and cry. I don't know what exactly I was crying about. The pain of surgery, the pain of breastfeeding, feeling overwhelmed. Probably all of the above. People warned me that breastfeeding was painful but I never imagined how painful that would be. It was definitely hard to enjoy breastfeeding and I would dread Jacob waking up because I knew he'd be hungry and I'd have to feed him. There were times when he would latch on and I'd just start crying because of the pain. I also think it was just because I was emotional to begin with.

When Jacob was one week old we drove to Rexburg to watch my mom run her first marathon. Have I mentioned that my mom is my hero? When she turned 50 she made a goal to run a marathon. Not many 50 year old's would have the desire to run their first marathon at 50. But my mom did because she is awesome like that. She trained diligently for over a year and signed up for the Teton Dam Marathon. She ran it in 4 hours 36 minutes beating her desired goal time of 4 hours 45 minutes. I am so proud of her! After she crossed the finish line she was hugging everyone and we were all crying. She is and will always be my roll model.

Scott took a couple days off of work after my mom left to help out. Again it was so nice to have him around. I seriously would not have made it through the first few weeks of Jacob's life without him. I don't know how single mom's do it. I have a new respect for them. I had the hardest time when everyone went back to work and I was left alone for the day. I felt lazy because I couldn't do much because I was recovering and I got frustrated easily when I didn't know what to do for Jacob. I'm so grateful for everyone that came and visited me at this time because just having someone there made everything mentally easier for me.

When Jacob was 2 in a half weeks old Scott left for a week to run the Ragnar Relay Race and then to go on a three day canyoneering trip with a few of his friends down in Southern Utah. I was hoping I would be up to going down to Utah to watch his Ragnar race but emotionally and mentally I just wasn't up for it. I was pretty disappointed. I instead decided to head home to Driggs for the week so that my family could help me with Jacob. There was no way I was trusting myself to stay in Idaho Falls by myself for a week. Being home was really nice because I had my mom and my little sisters to help me with Jacob. My little sister's love babies so I pretty much just had to feed Jacob and they did the rest.

I do feel like my baby blues is getting better. I don't feel as emotional or mentally unstable. I often feel like I take care of Jacob out of obligation rather then out of love and that is really hard for me. My biggest fear is that I will always feel that way.

1 Month

 1 Month Old!!!!

My little minion :)

Wow... I can't believe my little Jacob is 1 month already! At Jacob's 1 month appointment he was 10 lbs 14 oz and 23 3/4" long! Staying in that 90th percentile he is! He is such a good baby. He hardly ever cries, and when he does it's because there is a good reason for it! This has been huge for me because the first few weeks of Jacob's life were very hard for me. I suffered from some baby blues and it was hard to even enjoy him. When he cried it would make me really frustrated, especially if I didn't know why he was crying. Scott was a huge huge help during this time... I don't know what I would have done without him. Thank you Scott! 

I also want to thank my mom. She stayed with us for a few days after I got home from the hospital and was a huge help as well! I was able to ask her all types of questions and it was nice just having another set of hands there while I was recovering from my surgery. I feel like I have been recovering very well! I'm feeling pretty good these days and can get around just fine. I'm getting really excited to get out and do things that I love again! Like rock climbing and running! (maybe I don't LOVE running... But I'm still excited to get out and do it!)

Just a little bit about Jacob... He is soooo adorable! I just can't get over how cute I think he is... He pretty much looks like a mini Scott... He has also starting to get a receding hairline like Scott's as well :) Love you Scott! Some of things Jacob dislikes right now are:

Baths
Being naked
Diaper changes
Tummy Time

Some of the things Jacob likes right now are:

Eating
Sleeping
Pooping

 ....Ok this isn't everything! :) He likes being cuddled and held, as well as being where the action is. He likes having something in his mouth to suck on. Whether it's a pacifier, fingers or nursing. He wants to suck! I'm surprised by how curious and aware of his surroundings he is already. I think he instantly knew he was in a different place when we got home from the hospital because he spent a good amount of time just looking around at the new surroundings. He is also pretty strong and holds up his head really well! At 3 weeks he rolled over from his back to his tummy for the first time! This video I took was the 5th time he had rolled over in a row.

 Now almost every time I put him on his tummy he rolls over. Doesn't really make for very productive tummy time... I still don't think he fully knows what he is doing... Or exactly how he accomplishes rolling over. But he's pretty good at accidentally rolling over non-the-less. For the first week Jacob was sleeping 4-6 hours at a time. It was awesome! He then switched to a 2-4 hour sleeping schedule which wasn't as awesome but normal i hear. :) At first he had his nights and days all confused which was hard on me. Thankfully he has now figuring it out and I am getting a lot more sleep!

Hunter 6 weeks (Melanie's little boy) and Jacob 1 week. Best Buds!

 It is so fun having a baby with your best friend! I love that they are so close to each other and will grow up with each other!

Jacob Reed Bergendorf

40 Weeks

  Saturday, June 1^st, 2013. I woke up bright and early at 5:45 am. We had to be to the hospital by 7:00 am and I wanted to get a nice shower in (because I knew it would be awhile since I would shower again) before we went. Right before we left I asked Scott for a blessing. In that blessing I was told we had made the right decisions and that gave me a lot of peace. On our way to the hospital I felt pretty anxious. It was weird to just be going in to have a baby. As we walked up casually to the hospital doors I turned to Scott and told him I had imagined this walk being a lot more rushed and panicked and not so calm. I guess things don’t always turn out as planned. :) We got all checked in and before I knew it I was in a hospital gown in bed hooked up to an IV and the machines to monitor the baby and my contractions. Shortly after this the nurse came in to tell me the doctor, Doctor Matt Robinson, was running late because he had an emergency surgery. In a way that made me feel better because it made his birth not so planned. It would happen when it would happen. Just like if I were having him naturally.

 

After taking an ultrasound we discovered our baby was still heads up. So it was certain we were having a C-section. Next John, the anethstegiologist, came in to talk to us about what the going on’s would be for the C-section. I liked him right off the bat. I felt like he was really there for me, and he was going to do everything he could to make sure my wants and needs were on the very top of his priority list. Because the surgery was delayed all my family arrived before I was brought to the OR. I was grateful for this because it took my mind off of everything. I felt very anxious. Not nervous so much… Just anxious. And tired. I don’t know why I was so tired, but I felt like I didn’t want to keep my eyes open. 

Around 10 the nurse came in to tell me Doctor Robinson had called and was on his way and that I would be brought back to the OR in 10 minutes. While we were sitting there waiting someone mentioned it would be cool to get a video of the whole thing. John had already told us that he would be able to take pictures of everything but a video would be really cool as well. So the next time John came in I asked him if it would be possible for one more family member to come in to take the video. He told me it was standard procedure for only one family member to be able to come into the OR. So I asked if one of the nurses would be able to take a video. The next thing I knew John had ordered another pair of scrubs for my mom to come in and take video. This is why I really liked John. I just remember when he told the nurse to go get another set she looked at him like… “This isn’t what we usually do…”. But no questions asked she went and got more scrubs.

Scott got to escort me on my walk to the OR. After arriving I was set up on the table to get my spinal done… It was at this point where I thought to myself. “This is why people don’t like hospitals… All they do is poke and prod you.” I tried not to think of what was actually going on back there. But Scott later told me that watching them put that huge needle in my back was a lot harder then watching them do any of the other stuff. John was very informative during the whole thing. Always making sure I knew exactly what he was doing and exactly what the nurses were doing around me. For that I was very grateful. After everything was ready, put in place and the spinal had fully kicked in we were ready to start. John said, “Surgery started at 10:34 am”. As I lay there all I can remember thinking was how tired I felt. I don’t know if it was the drugs or only getting 4 hours of sleep the night before sharing Scott and I’s last single couple night together. Probably a combination of both. During the surgery Scott continued to stroke my face with his fingers, telling me he loved me. I was so grateful for this because it gave me a lot of comfort. While the doctor was cutting me open they kept commenting on how skinny I was. They told me they weren’t used to doing surgery on such skinny people. Of course it made me feel good. After nine months of pregnancy you definitely aren’t feeling skinny. Scott told them I had run a marathon when I was 5 weeks pregnant and they were very impressed. When it was time to push my midwife, Natalie, began pushing on the upper part of my stomach. It was kind of funny because they would push so hard that I would feel myself moving side from side even though I couldn’t feel the lower half of my body. Right before they pulled the baby out of me they lowered the screen so I could watch. The first part I remember seeing is his body sitting there with his head still inside of me. At this point I felt like it took forever to get the head out but looking back at the video I realized it didn’t take that long. But when they finally did get him out I heard that  baby cry. 

It instantly brought tears to my eyes. And as I looked up I could see that Scott was crying also. Such an incredible moment I will never forget. “10:39 am” the doctor says after he pulled out our baby boy. They only show him to us for a few seconds before taking him over to the nursery to get cleaned up and to make sure his lungs were cleaned out because he had pooped in the amniotic fluid. Scott bent down and kissed me on the forehead and told me he loved me. Next my mom comes over and kisses me on the forehead with tears in her eyes and tells me she loved me as well. I was so glad she was able to be in the OR with us and to experience the special occasion with us. I know that she loved it as well.

  The next comments I hear coming from the doctor and nurses are how big that baby was. After about 15 minutes the nurse from the nursery brings our baby back and tells everyone “9 lbs 3 oz and 20 inches long”. Wow… That IS a big baby! Immediately my baby boy is right next to my face so I can see him. It was really hard and awkward to try to look at him laying flat on my back as they stitched me up. I just remember thinking to myself. “Just let Scott hold and cuddle him. I’d rather he be cuddled and held close by someone then laid next to me where I could hardly touch him.” So I told Scott and my mom to just hold him and not to worry about me. It probably took 20 minutes after that to get me all stitched up. Doctor Robinson kindly told me that he had done 1000 crunches for me and got all my muscles put back exactly where he had found them so that I could start my running ASAP. After getting back to the room it was another 15 minutes before our baby was brought to us. At this time I was able to breastfeed him for the first time. I felt like I had no idea what I was doing. But it’s amazing those baby instincts because he did. No visitors were allowed in the room for an hour after I had returned so that Nicki could monitor myself and the baby to make sure everything was all right. It was nice to be able to spend this time with just me Scott and our new baby.

 Jacob with his grandparents! Somehow we missed a picture with Grandma Bergendorf... :(

 Grandpa Hansen

 Grandma Hansen

 Grandpa Bergendorf

Jacob Reed Bergendorf

39 Weeks

May 25, 2013, 39 Weeks

One week left! We made it! Scott and I have been very busy these past couple weeks just finishing off those last minute "baby chores" as Scott calls them. One of those baby chores being putting together baby's room. Since we found out I was prego all the baby gear and clothes and everything have just been thrown up into the the spare bedroom in big piles. We decided with two weeks left we better get the room all picked up and organized so that we have somewhere to put him once he comes home.

Before

After

A few other projects we have been working on is getting a a new dresser for the baby. We found the perfect one at a garage sale that needed refinished so Scott took up that project. We ended up putting the new one in our room when it was finished because it was a little bigger then the one we had. And it looked so nice!

 Before

 After

 My project has been re-upholstering a glider chair that we bought off of craigslist. I think I did a pretty good job if I do say so myself :)

Before

 After

 Another one of my projects was making a baby blanket for our new little boy. I love how it turned out! It is so cute. As well as some nursing covers.

What do you do when you are tired of wearing the same old, same old maternity shirts that you've been wearing for the past 3 months and you only have 2 weeks left.... You invade your husbands closet and manipulate his shirts to work as maternity shirts!

One day I just didn't want to wear any of my maternity shirts. So Scott goes over to his closet and jokingly pulls out this shirt and says, "Here, wear this." Well... That got my mind working and with a little manipulation (I did not destroy the shirt in anyway that would make it so Scott couldn't wear it anymore) I was able to make a pretty cute outfit. Amazing what desperation will do for you. :)

 

Before

After

38 Weeks

39 Weeks

 Baby Bergy is still heads up. I decided to schedule the c-section at my 38 week appointment. I figured putting it off was going to do nothing but make it so I couldn't do it on the day I wanted. If he turned we could always cancel it. So we have decided to schedule it for June 1st, 2013. We picked this day because we didn't pick this day if that makes sense. I just had a really hard time "picking" his birthday. I just feel like it's not my choice to choose. So we have decided to schedule it for his due date because that's not a date that I choose. It was a date chosen because of when he was conceived. So it is scheduled. Bright and early 9 am. I told them I wanted it done the earliest they could because I didn't want to be waiting around all day in anticipation waiting.

After I scheduled the appointment I had a really hard time dealing with the idea of a c-section again. I have just been putting it on the back burner for so long because I wanted him to flip that I never really thought about it really happening. Scheduling the actual appointment made it real and I didn't handle it well. After this I decided I could either continue to put it on the back burning and be bitter and upset about the whole thing. Or I could actually face the fact that my baby was breech and try to make the c-section the most positive experience that I could. So I put away my hynobabies books and turned my focus to really coming to peace with having a c-section. I started doing research on "natural" options for c-sections to make me feel like I am apart of the birth. There are actually lots of options. So I made a birth plan and discussed it with my doctor at my 39 week appointment and he said everything looks good so I'm excited about that!

We are now 2 days from the scheduled date. I am still feeling great. Yesterday was my last day at work. It was a bitter/sweet. I really do love my job. I don't know if I'll be returning or not in three months. We are going to play it by ear and see what's happening. I decided I wanted a couple days to myself to just get things done and to relax before my life changes forever. It will be nice to have some downtime!

A few days ago Scott was looking at me while I was getting ready for work and said. "I'm going to miss you having a belly. It's so cute" After I started thinking about it and I feel like I will miss having a belly to. There is something really special about being able to carry a human body inside of you. I kind of think I'm going to feel a little lonely not having my baby in there kicking and moving around all day. I guess it's a good trade off though. I will still be able to have him close to me. He will just be outside my body instead of inside my body.

36 Weeks

May 4, 2013

I went in for my 36 week appointment very excited because I thought I would be checked to see if I was dilated! Well I wasn't checked for dilation but the babies position was checked. And we discovered by first external evaluation then by ultrasound that our little boy is very comfortably sitting with his butt in my pelvic region and his head toward my chest. AKA breech. Let's just say I didn't take the news well. I was given two options after this point. We could try External Cephalic Version (ECV) which means having a doctor rotate him manually from the outside, and although risks are small, there are still risks for the baby and only a 50/50% chance that the ECV would be successful. Or we could hold out as long as we can in hopes that he will turn on his own, 30% chance, and if he doesn't, have a C-section. I saw my whole vision of what I've always expected childbirth to be like crashing down all around me. From before I could remember I have always wanted to have a natural birth. I don't even remember a single time in my life where I considered having my babies any other way. Everything I had envisioned, especially after getting pregnant and visiting the hospital that we wanted to have our baby, envisioned Scott and I in that hospital room with Scott by my side helping me through contractions then pushing that little baby out and having him placed on my chest. I didn't know what to do....

On a positive note I did get to have another ultrasound and see my little guy, and the ultrasound technician did another 3D!

I don't know if she just felt sorry for me because my baby was breech so she wanted to make me feel better or if they really did have a new probe as she claimed.... But she told me they had a new 3D probe that they wanted to try out. Either way I got another 3D (I think I'm just lucky!) and it was pretty cool :) He is a chubby little thing! And for the first time my whole pregnancy he is measuring exactly as he should be. 36 cm. So sorry all you out there who where planning on him coming two weeks early! Looks like the midwife was right all along! ;) Other then Baby Bergy being breech everything is looking great! He is healthy and strong. And it turns out that body part we've been bouncing around with our fingers for the past couple months is his head..... So.... He'll either come out with a crooked neck or a super strong neck when he's born!

After my very emotional/distraught day when I found out he was breech, I was able to clear my head and consider my options. After looking up the risks of EVC and C-sections, praying, fasting, going to the temple and Scott giving me a blessing, we feel as this point that we do not want to go through with having a EVC. Although the risks are small, they are still there and if something were to go wrong because we did it, I would blame myself for the rest of my life. Instead we have decided to fully leave it up to the Lord and put our faith and trust in him that whatever happens is happening because it is his will. He does know what is best for both me and our baby. And if there is a reason Baby Bergy has stubbornly decided to place himself in the upright position because of health or safety reasons then we will do what we have to, to get him here safely.

37 Weeks

As for me.... I still stubbornly completely plan on him turning and having him naturally. I am continuing with my hypnobabies and preparing myself for a vaginal, natural birth. :) There is no pressure or rush to schedule a c-section and we don't plan on scheduling it anytime soon. I am also feeling pretty great these days! I think the best I've felt my whole pregnancy! The nurse was surprised when I told her that. As of today, 37 Weeks, Baby Bergy is still in heads up position and I'm still doing every method there is to help him turn. Including ice/heat packs, laying with my hips above my head, crawling, hypnosis, sitting on a birthing ball and we will be spending a lot of time in the pool doing head stands. He still has 3 weeks to turn that little body of his.